Without question, the greatest invention in the history of mankind is beer. Oh, I grant you that the wheel was also a fine invention, but the wheel does not go nearly as well with pizza. –Dave Barry
The problem with the world is that everyone is a few drinks behind. –Humphrey Bogart
Why is American beer served cold? So you can tell it from urine. –David Moulton
People who drink light “beer” don’t like the taste of beer; they just like to pee a lot.–Capital Brewery, Middleton, WI
Give me a woman who loves beer and I will conquer the world.–Kaiser Welhelm
I drink to make other people interesting. –George Jean Nathan
An intelligent man is sometimes forced to be drunk to spend time with his fools. –For Whom the Bell Tolls, Ernest Hemmingway
An alcoholic is someone you don’t like who drinks as much as you do. — Dylan Thomas
You will get an inverted meniscus instead of an extroverted meniscus. — Guinness Spokesperson describing the results of an improperly poured head.